I know that some of this blog’s readership checks up on my medical status through these lines. Here’s the quick update. Last week we met with both the Radiation Oncologist and Medical Oncologist to review test results and plan a strategy to address the growing size and metabolic activity of my primary lung tumor and explore the reasons behind the brain swelling and increased headaches. The good news is that some of the brain activity may be the result of a delayed reaction to the treatments I had back in summer. For that we wait and see what another MRI tells us in 3 weeks. In the meantime I am back on a relatively high dose of steroids to take down the swelling, headaches are gone, but wine tastes funky again. This should be short term.
To address the other issue, the treatment plan has been enhanced to include the simple little pill I take every morning along with adding two IV drugs. One is to starve off the cancer cells and the other is a more traditional chemotherapy designed to destroy those fast growing cells. This will be given in Charlotte (45 minutes away) at the Oncology Clinic every three weeks. The hope is that this combination will be more effective in addressing the continued morphing of the disease process. We’ll know more details next week after meeting with a Nurse Practitioner for teaching. I learn every day!
I’ve had a pretty easy time of this, almost no side effects from the Tarceva and am hoping that I tolerate the additional treatment well. I did have a wake-up on Thursday though when my hairdresser brought me up short with an incredibly insightful bit of feedback.
Before I go on, let me tell any of you who don’t know this that my relationship with the person who is responsible for my hair is one of huge importance in my life. For the first year in North Carolina I traveled 1000 miles to get my hair cut because the bond was so strong and I didn’t want to trust my thin, fine hair to anyone but Marlene, my hairdresser and confidant of decades. Reality set in when I realized this continued commute was just not practical and I found a woman through my church who has excellent skills as well (plus she is from Oshkosh, WI) and threw caution to the wind. I had my second haircut with her on Thursday.
What I didn’t expect was her absolute honesty in pointing out that I was making negative statements about my hair and skin throughout the appointment and how, especially now, that was just not good for me. I’m aware that my hair and skin textures have changed and frankly, have been using that as humor… but darkly.
MJ, my new guide through the changing world of my hair care made it clear that messages I give myself need to be supporting and nurturing. She told me to write down some positive affirmations to get myself started. She was right. I was giving myself and believing the comments about becoming less attractive and rapidly aging. That’s not a good message and it’s not consistent with the way that I want to treat myself nor see myself. Her honesty was a gift.
Reflection:
While the focus here is on appearance, I do think it is important to be kind to ourselves on all levels. To nurture ourselves, especially during the challenging times, can be so important to how we hold ourselves in esteem and to our health. The mind and body are connected. My lesson, to be less judgmental when I look in the mirror, when I feel tired and nap or read instead of being “productive” and to be as gentle with myself as I strive to be to others. And sometimes I need to work more on gentleness with "the others" as well, but that's another entry.
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