Fear Vs. Facts

Fear vs. Facts

A lesson many of us seem to learn over and over again is that the fear of something is often far worse than the facts.  Think of the fear of a flu shot, then the shot itself is hardly a scratch.  That factor of the unknown can be terrifying. The facts, even when not what we hope for, can be easier to bear than the fears that our mind creates.  Facts can be faced, planned for, talked about.  Options can be explored.

Yesterday’s doctor’s visit confirmed my fears that the cancer is growing, and growing at a more rapid rate.  Most concerning are the areas in my brain and the surrounding swelling in an area which can affect vision, balance, and the use of words.  It can also trigger big time headaches.  There is  increased growth in the lung tumor and those in the pelvic bones as well.

There are some options in treatment, the outlook is not dire.  Other good targeted therapies exist which cut off the blood supply to the tumors and there is a chemotherapy, less onerous than some, which may be offered as well.  The brain lesions will probably be addressed with stereotactic radiology as soon as we can arrange an appointment.

So far, other than a few controllable headaches, I am not in any pain and I live a very normal life.  This seems to surprise people as I participate in an exercise program, walk two or more miles most days, keep up with taking care of a house and have an active social life.  I’ve lost some weight, not a bad thing, and my energy is almost as good as it has ever been.  I treat myself kindly, this afternoon I’ll be having a massage and tomorrow we drive to Virginia to rendezvous with my brother and his wife as their son sails off to sea for several months, catch a board meeting of the Maasai American Organization and give a presentation on our project in Kenya to a women’s group in Richmond.  I’m not taking life easy.

Reflections:

I think there are lessons here.  One is to work to get facts as soon as possible, don’t be the one who worries about what those symptoms mean while being afraid of getting the answers.  We somehow feel that making “it” real makes it worse…nothing could be further from the truth.  Making it real gives us and our doctors the tools to catch problems early enough to have a chance to interrupt the process and make things better before it is too late.  Since the first time around, when it was almost too late for me, I am taking this very seriously.   It is as true with our bodies as it is with the leak in the roof or tension in a relationship.  Talking about it can help, looking at our options can resolve, ignoring it usually makes it worse.

My second lesson is to do your darndest not to live in that place of fear and let it take over your life.  We’ve all seen people who allow themselves to be consumed by their cancer, their divorce, or other threats.  While certainly, fear is normal, it is also destructive if not managed.  Living as normal a life as possible can help us cope positively.  Working on a hobby, finding fulfilling volunteer work, being active in your church, spending time with friends, all of these can give us outlets that take our minds off ourselves and put the focus in another, healthier place.

Finally, fear can be a good thing if it drives us to action, think about the tiger chasing our ancestors and the autonomic nervous system response of fight or flight.  We rarely see tigers in our midst these days, but our bodies have not caught up with that rush of adrenaline which is not good for us to carry around on a regular basis.  We need to calm the fears by whatever means is appropriate, and in this case it is getting the facts and exploring our options. Supplementing that with exercise, meditation, relaxation and social outlets can help us be healthier and take us out of that dark place.