Thanksgiving

Tomorrow Gary and I leave for California where we will spend the Thanksgiving holiday with my sister’s family.  This is going to be a different Thanksgiving experience; I’ve spent most of the last 61 of them in my little hometown with immediate family.  My job was to bring the pies and the Jello salad and the wine.  This year we will be with my brother in law’s family, my nephews and their growing families will be part of the crowd.  Since flying with Jello is not a wise idea, I am on the clean-up committee.

While the venue will change, the main difference will be my very different way of looking at being thankful.  So much of what I took for granted in the past will this year be those things that I see as blessings.  It starts with family and all of those I hold dear and includes my feeling great and having the energy to enjoy this trip.  Every day I think about my good fortune, to be able to enjoy a lifetime rich with friendships and adventure.

I look forward to driving up Highway 1, that road with the most dramatic views of any I’ve traveled.  To San Francisco, where everything seems exciting and the seafood is fresh, I am excited about riding the cable car and walking on Fisherman’s Wharf. I am thankful for the ability to have this experience and to share it.

I listened to a quote today that talked about looking at each day with wonder, as if it were the first day of your life, and with appreciation, as if it were your last.  What a great way to view the world.  To have that ability to be amazed and moved by a sunset over the Pacific Ocean (tomorrow night over wine at my nephew and his wife’s home) and to celebrate and treasure every gift that the days ahead bring us. 

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone.  Look for reasons to be grateful.

You are welcome to take the opportunity to comment on this blog with a 

 private email at jodiekacer@aol.com

Good News

Yesterday I referred to “cautious optimism” regarding my health.    Today I will do my best to explain why we are somewhat more optimistic and how that roller coaster is taking me back up. 

As my oncologist was exploring the possibility of me entering clinical trials due to some disturbing spots that had appeared on my bones and activity in the tumor on my lung, he spoke with a leader in Tarceva research at M.D. Anderson Cancer Research Center in Texas.  He prefaced our conversation with “This is good news.” That is something I always like to hear!   The physician told him that the spots may in fact be signs of healing, scar tissue, and not new growth.  He advised that we wait until another scan is done in early January before making any changes.     Even better news is that a second doctor at Sloan Kettering concurred.

So, once again the roller coaster is sending me on a wild ride.  I’m thrilled that we can say “experts” feel that the Tarceva may still be working.  I’m also reminded that medicine, especially Oncology, is not an exact science.  I’m hopeful, I’m optimistic, I’m visualizing the cancer cells being taken over by healthy tissue, and I’m praying. 

Hearing From YOU

This is a day when I am able to bask in the comments of others who have read this blog and to offer a bit of clarification.  First, the clarifying.  Several readers have asked me about leaving comments under the comment section.  As best I can determine, this option is only available to those who are members of Blogspot and/or have their own blog.  In view of that, I will change the message I often put at the end of an entry and ask that comments come via email.  I know that there has been frustration with trying to enter a comment and having it lost in cyberspace. 

Now to the comments that have gotten through.  I am delighted, first of all, to find that my entries have achieved the goal that I set out for myself.  That people find it interesting is the basic wish, but additionally my hope was that there would be value for the reader, that you, the reader, would find topics that touched a chord and perhaps offered guidance, caused reflection or answered questions.  I cannot tell you how touched I have been with the feedback that I’ve received. 

From a practical standpoint, I know that friends and family are finding this site a way to keep track of me.  To know how I am feeling physically and coping emotionally helps them stay in touch.  Sometimes I think that it is easier to express the emotional through the written word, probably I am giving a more intimate picture than I might in a conversation or an email.  I am touched by the number of people who make reference to something that I wrote in the blog as we talk on the phone.  Just this morning a friend asked about how I survived the October wave of company (very well, I loved it) and whether I had any news from my doctor (yes, I am cautiously optomistic).

Yesterday I got an email from a former colleague who shared her own cancer experience, thoughts that were triggered by the entry on exercise.  It gave me comfort to know that my experience with being exhausted at times was not unique.  She helped me recommit to the exercise program even on those days that I’d like to be lazy.  The help goes both ways.

Other entries from those with serious illnesses and reflections of caregivers tell me that I am helping them feel less alone, that comments in the blog help them feel connected during tough times.  I love hearing that readers are moved to laughing over some of the strange or challenging times I’ve found myself in.  I am touched to know that this blog makes a difference.

My hope is that every reader finds some value in this column.  That it brings comfort or laughter or the knowledge of what it is like to be in the midst of an illness over which one often feels powerless.  My lesson is that I can learn from those who are moved to give me feedback and I invite you to do so at jodiekacer@aol.com     

Offers of Help

How many times have we said it, “Let me know what I can do to help.”   We say it with all sincerity, we really want to help, but the person to whom we make the offer does not respond, doesn’t let us know what he or she needs. This can be frustrating when we don’t know what to do or it can take us “off the hook” for needing to get involved in a situation we might be uncomfortable entering.

How many times have we heard that phrase ourselves and not responded because we either don’t know what we need or don’t want to be a burden.  My guess is that this happens all the time.

This morning I got to thinking about the offer of a friend.  She called recently and had done some research that included sending me 2 very relevant and interesting articles. She offered to help with more scientific searches for clinical trials and information on the latest in lung cancer treatment.  A physician friend offered to be a resource to help me make sense of the information that overwhelms me.  These offers were very specific and so very welcome.

Family and friends have come to visit, invited me out for lunch, sent me books, painted a much loved picture for me, called, emailed, and sent thoughtful and funny cards.  An early example of this was when, one week post-hospital stay, my dietician friend Pam sent me a huge frozen apple pie, all the way from Michigan.  It made me laugh and was delicious, tho she might be in conflict with the National Dietitian’s Association.  My friend Jack spent two days of his summer helping me figure out how to write this blog.  My sister-in-law sent a care package of treats from Wisconsin.  I have an email file titled “Love” and a basket for cards and letters, in them are notes of encouragement and caring.  Browsing through these when I feel discouraged or alone brings me such comfort.  Those notes are gifts. These are from people who didn’t wait to be asked, they just did it, whatever it was, and for that I am most appreciative.

My guess is that most people are like me, they don’t like to ask for help and they don’t know what to offer.  It’s different to ask someone to pick up a loaf of bread or advice on a book to read.  But to spend time with us, to help us through a tough time, that is not easy.  I’ve never been good at knowing what to offer or to ask for.  I’ve not wanted to be intrusive, have not felt that I knew exactly what was needed or wanted…so I often did nothing.  When my friend Anna was ill, I hesitated to call because I didn’t want to bother her.  I wish now that I had been there for her more through calls and cards.

The Lesson:

This morning was an epiphany for me.  The Ahha came when I realized that so many  just did it.  They didn’t wait for me to ask (and I would never have asked), but just gave me a gift.  We need to act, not hold back, when a friend is having a bad time.  I cannot ever imagine seeing a call from a friend as a “bother.”  Also, if you have a skill that you are willing to share, what a wonderful way to show you care.

I am not hinting for another apple pie.  What I want to convey is the idea that if you have a friend in need, let him or her know that you care.  Send that email, make the offer, but don’t be surprised if there is no response.  If you think of something that you think would be appreciated, just do it.

As one who may have more needs as time goes on, I become aware that I must give up the pride in self-sufficiency and let friends know what those needs are.  Asking for help will become a reality for most of us some day.  When I put myself in the other’s shoes, I would love to be told what I can do, I would love to have that specific direction so that I know I’m on the right track.

Ask for what you need and want.  Friends are not mind readers, and most have never been in our situation.  Giving friends the opportunity to do something they know is valued will help them feel more a part of our lives. 

Expectations

It is one of those beautiful, crisp fall days.  The sun is shining, the sky is bright blue and the trees are shades of yellows, reds and browns amid the evergreen as they reflect on the lake.  Gary and I were enjoying a walk in an undeveloped area near our home when out of the blue he asked, “So, is this what you expected from retirement, living with an old guy in the South?” 
Pause….

First, let’s get this straight.  He’s only 2 years older than I am and I’m certainly not an old gal.  Second, most of what I’ve focused on in the last 6 months has not been what I expected.  It’s been the opposite of what I expected.  What I thought I would have was 25 years or so of healthy retirement, travel, a “better late than never” love affair, and some adventurous volunteer work to keep myself fulfilled.  I have had to restructure my expectations to meet reality. 

What I expect now is that today will be a good day.  That I will be grateful, every day, for what life gives me.  I hesitate to expect anything beyond that, although I want to be here to see summers in Wisconsin and trips to Europe and to see the results of our volunteer programs in Kenya.  I want to see my little grand niece and nephew grow up.

Yesterday we went way beyond the idea of not thinking past today.  We ordered a room full of furniture that will be delivered in 8 – 12 weeks.  What thoughts that sent through my mind.  Of course there were the niggling questions of how long I’d be able to enjoy this, but it is also a statement that I intend to be around to do just that.  My intention is to love this life and this furniture for a long time to come.

Now back to the original question.  No, this is not at all what I expected, but I wouldn’t change today for anything.  It is a beautiful day, I’m with someone who tells me he is glad I am in his life, I feel good.  What more could I ask from a Saturday in November?

Fighting Against Cancer with Fitness

This entry is written by guest blogger, David Haas, a cancer patient advocate with the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance where he researchs and writes about programs like cancer support and fitness for all types of cancers. Thank you David!

Being diagnosed with cancer can make you feel like you've completely lost control of your life and your body. This feeling is especially prevalent when a patient has to deal with multiple surgeries and treatments with boatloads of awful side effects. The stress is overwhelming. Many people with cancer feel that there is nothing they can do and become deeply depressed.

The role of exercise in treating and coping with cancer is well documented and increasing in popularity. At one time, exercise used to be considered unsafe for people with cancer, but the medical community is finally beginning to see the light: Fitness is integral to the treatment and symptom management of cancer. The side effects of cancer and the treatments thereof like pain, nausea, depression and loss of appetite can be aided by simple exercise.

Physical activity leads to an increase in blood flow to the muscles and brain. This improved oxygenation of the body fights mental fatigue, boosts energy and stamina levels and promotes relaxation. Is also makes your heart and lungs function better, which is good news. Furthermore, exercising regularly means less stress because it fights the stress hormone, cortisol. Lower cortisol levels mean less feelings of depression and fewer cravings for unhealthy foods that strain the body and contribute to complications.

One of the most overlooked but most important roles of fitness is the one it plays in the balance of hormones. Hormones have a significant impact on all aspects of mental and physical health. By exercising, you are supporting an increase of hormones in your body that will improve your mood, outlook, weight and your ability to cope with stress and illness.
Fitness can be an excellent form of distraction. While you're working out, focus on your breathing, the number of steps you take or how many repetitions you do. This concentration will not only lead to a more productive workout, it will also keep you from dwelling on the unpleasant aspects of your life such as cancer.

One more good reason to engage in fitness during cancer is due to the fact that it increases the body's resistance to chemical damage and makes medications more effective. This means that cancer treatments like chemotherapy and radiation will cause fewer or more tolerable side effects while helping it to work better.

Caution should always be used with any kind of fitness regimen. Excessive exercise places great strain on your body, weakens immunity and can actually cause worsening of side effects and symptoms. Keep your workouts at or under 30 minutes unless directed by your doctor.