When faced with a devastating diagnosis, the first thoughts we have may be facing the possibility that life will be cut far shorter than was “the plan.” To say that I need to make plans for my demise is a stark reminder of this illness and all that it may do to take control of my life. As I type the words, thinking of the future needs of my grand-niece and nephews, I am reminded that I may not be here to see them grow into adults. That thought breaks my heart. It also reminds me that I need to make sure that my will is in order and that other practical issues are taken care of even if I do not intend to leave this world for a long time. Those practical issues have emotional responses that can sometimes leave me reeling.
So, often I write through tears. I want to be here to re-evaluate this will in a decade or so, to make decisions based on these kids being adults. I want to grow old with the man that I love and figure out how that next stage of life will unfold. I want to take vacations and buy airplane tickets. I want to spend time at my cottage on the shores of Lake Michigan, watch the sunrise, spend time with friends and family.
But, I need to write a will. A will reminds us of our mortality, there is no doubt that it is a sobering experience. Writing that will when we have a potentially fatal disease magnifies all of the fears around that mortality. What I remind myself to do is to balance the negative thoughts that creep into my psyche with positive messages, with visualizations of my healthy body and with optimism. We all need to address the possibility that we may die sooner than we planned. We need to make sure that what we want for the future is put in place, but we also need to make sure that there is balance, that we don’t get caught in a downward spiral. To balance, we need those positive messages, some deep centering breaths and a reminder that we must put our focus on the outcome we desire. Optimism is powerful in terms of helping us stay healthy emotionally and physically. We can find hundreds of studies that indicate the power of the attitude to impact both longevity and the quality of our lives.
My other comment here is about the interaction with the lawyer who drew up the will. I chose someone I’ve known of for decades, but didn’t know well. What impressed me, as it has with other professionals I’ve dealt with, was his compassion and willingness to meet my needs. As we struggle with the steps of coping with disease, it is a comfort to be treated with care and gentleness by those we choose to support us along the way.
Advice: First, no matter where you are in life, if you have assets, make a will. Call a lawyer today and make the appointment. Also, make a list of those items that would not go into the will, but that you love. Both describe them (Aunt Minnie’s silver bowl, received as a wedding gift in 1899) and direct where you would like them to go. Your family may have no idea what the history is of some of your most treasured heirlooms and this will be a gift to them.
Should you be in the position where you are told that your days are numbered, talk about the will with your family and review it with your attorney. Talk to trusted resources to help you explore your options. Depending on your wishes and individual circumstances, think beyond family for your legacy. If you choose to make a gift to your community or a national charity, make sure that your directions are clear and that someone who shares your feelings will be carrying out your wishes.
But DO IT while you have the time and the energy to give thought to your plan.
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