Choices

We all have to make them, and right now (among others) mine is when to cover my head and when to go “natural.”  I do have feelings about this and want to share them, hopefully with feedback from you.

First, I know that some people are uncomfortable around cancer.  It is a scary disease and sharing the journey can be difficult.  One most visible part of that journey is the loss of hair and all of the associations it brings on.  I’ve now been without hair for a week and have watched reactions, heard stories, and experienced my own freedom and angst.  I like the freedom of towel drying my hair and not worrying about what I look like.  Luckily, those around me are supportive of the new look and call it “cute.”  I can be semi-comfortable going bald.  There are amazing stories of women, and probably men, who have lost their hair in the most public and dramatic ways.

The anxiety comes when I am asked sometimes very personal questions about my health or get the stares.  I know that this hair style is like wearing a sign that says “I have Cancer.”  I know that people are uncomfortable.  The questions is, do I care or do I want to help them develop a level of sensitivity that makes it okay to be curious.  The elephant in the corner could be me,  I could choose as my mission the idea that cancer is just another illness and the lack of hair is just another symptom of fighting the disease.  I could be a teacher.  I’d like to be pro-active in helping people be less disturbed by the visual effects of the chemo, make it less of a big deal to appear in public with a balding head.

On the other hand, there are some cute little hats out there and a bald head gets cold.  Some days it makes more practical sense to cover up for heat, other days it avoids sunburn.  Most of the hats I’ve seen are either a simple knit or an elaborate Carmen Miranda affair with poofs and bows.  I’m searching for simple and practical, with perhaps a bit of flair.  These make a less edgy statement than the bald head, provide cover, and allow options for those of us who might choose to vary the look or be a bit more discrete.  The middle ground, tho it still carries the cancer message.

Then comes the wig.  I bought two and wear them for dressier social occasions and where I am around people who I don’t know well.  I think of times when I just don’t want to go through the explanation or make a visual statement.  When I just want to pass unnoticed.  The issue with a wig is, for me at least, they get uncomfortable after a few hours, they get tight, they get hot.  I’m not big on sacrificing comfort unless there is a very good reason, so I often go without.

So I wonder what do others think?  Is it uncomfortable to see a bald female head in your midst?   Would you prefer to see her in scarf?   Can you talk about it?  I’d really love to know your reactions or for readers to share stories.

I welcome your feedback at this site or jodiekacer@aol.com