The Mystery

The whole concept of Faith is a mystery to me.  I envy people of conviction who know a personal God and have no questions about the existence of the Trinity.  They are absolutely sure of their path to heaven, of forgiveness, and of the divinity of Jesus.  They have a set of rules which guide them and know the answers.   I am sometimes almost as envious of those who claim atheism and feel just as certain that life here is what we get and when it’s over, it’s over.  I, on the other hand, live in a world of uncertainty.

Perhaps it is the Christmas season, perhaps it is facing the unknown of my own mortality, but this has been on my mind more frequently recently.  I would love to have the answer, to know the truth.  But for me, it remains a mystery upon which I reflect with no clear conclusions.

I saw a sign in front of a church here (The South has many and varied churches) that said “Know Jesus and know heaven, without him, know Hell.”  Yikes!  Does that mean devout non-Christians and those who doubt will burn in Hell?  That certainly doesn’t fit with my understanding of a “Loving God.”  There are so many teachings that tell us not to judge, yet many who would refer to themselves as deeply religious are extremely judgmental of anyone who does not see the world through their lense, who border on hatred of those who are different.  Yet they seem firm in their “rightness” and see themselves firmly aligned with God in a way that allows no question, no doubt.

There are those who claim that it was the sins of (choose whichever you please) New Orleans, the Jews, Afghanistan are responsible for the devastation of hurricanes, the holocaust and war feel that their own relative comfort is based on being rewarded as a more righteous better person, that God punishes those who do not live their lives following the rules.

I find this frightening.  I have none of that certainty, but I do know that a God of vengeance is not a fit for me.  This feels more like coming from a place of hatred, not love.

I believe in the Sacred, I try to live with a focus of making this world a better place for others as I feel so fortunate to have the life I’ve been given.  I certainly don’t understand, and yet I talk daily with a God, a Spirit of life, whom I see as a force of love and wisdom that might guide me along this path.  This is not in the memorized prayer of my youth, but a rather one sided conversation.  I ask for guidance and for strength, as I think of those who are suffering, I ask for peace.  For those who are celebrating joys in their lives I ask for continued blessings.  I pray with gratitude for all of the richness of this life.  And I continue to contemplate the mystery.

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